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Dreamin'


Just a little story wrote about 20 years ago when I was bored.

Yesterday I was walking down the street, when I bumped into a tin of beans I hadn't seen in years.The tin greeted me with, "John, I haven't seen you for a week!" I said "Do you mind, do I look like a man?" The tin replied " With that beard I thought you were a hairbrush!"

We ambled down to the Pill & Plank, a small but rowdy pub off junction 10, on the M5. Going through the door, a jam tart pushed past me and mumbled " Stupid idiot!" The tin took exception to this remark and extending a finger, plunged it into the jammy bit of the tart, took a large dollop and licked his finger. The jam tart looked surprised and committed himself to 5 years of voluntary work with the incontinent.

Having bought two pints of meths and a packet of firelighters we started to relax. The atmosphere war polka dot blue & orange. Pretty soon we were rat arsed, so we spent some time cleaning our whiskers. Suddenly I found myself in the local shop. Just as I was getting my bearings (90p a pound on special offer), a tin of prunes thew itself on my mercy, so I thew it back and stumbled home.

When I got there I saw my house had been replaced by a giant hamburger and a side order of fries.I opened the front lettuce and walked into the gherkin ( I hate gherkins). The lottery ticket I had bought the day before was lying in wait. It tripped me up and ran off laughing hysterically ( I found it 3 months later wedged behind the radiator where it had died of heat exhaustion.So I made a cup of tea.

"Good stuff this" I thought to myself as the triangular sunset rose over the gasworks.

Suddenly I was waking up to reality. " My god!, it's all a dream!"

"Oh No......."

At this point the author was eaten by a rather small tom cat.

Excerpts from Cath Garibaldi Buscuits diarys

Published by Wierd & Crap publications Ltd

Editor-- A street lamp post in drag.

 

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